Revolution Pro 01/05/01 - Indy Report
by Digable James Cobo

Ah, sunny Suth'r'n California. I'm unsure that there is a single other geographic location where I could get off a plane and within 72 hours see world-class independent action that's (a) better, workratewise, than the big 3 have been for MONTHS, and (b) got that swanky-sweet indy feel that you just don't get with the sanitized WWF. I mean, while I don't doubt that there are mothers that yell "YOU'RE A SHITHEAD!" at the 16-year-old kids throwing down greatness in the ring, all in front of her hasn't-hit-double-digits-in-age-yet daughter, but you just don't SEE it in a big arena like you do in a warehouse with about 100 other people. I, personally, am addicted as shit to the latter; it's what's pushing me inexorably away from the former. But enough chat; let there be more discussion about the actual matches.

First, however, I should mention a few key points:

- Last time I went, there were maybe forty people. Tops. This time, I show up fifteen minutes late and it's standing room only, and I'm not embellishing. Judging by the footage I have of older RevPro shows, the former's a lot more common than the latter. Think Super Dragon's a draw?

- Anyone ever read that piece by Scott Keith about how ECW fans are mostly fans of themselves, and how they narcissistically go to the shows just so they could say that they were chanting "E-C-W"? Well, there were a few guys like that right in front of me... the whole time. Fortunately for them, they were actually pretty regularly amusing; otherwise I would have wanted to take them out behind the proverbial woodshed.

- The "attractive female" presence *doubled*, going from one to two. Ordinarily, math like that is exactly the kind of math I like, and more importantly, the kind of math that makes me expect those same results. Unfortunately for me, I was a retard and read the "ringrats" page right before I went to an indy show... dumb, dumb, dumb. Audrey Goddamned Hepburn herself could have been there when I walked in, and the only phrase I'd have in my head would include the words "Jim Cornette" and "oral sex". Not that it matters; all I knew about these two particular femme fatales was that they were a-tractive, and I didn't want to know if they let El Gallinero and Matt Sinister double-team 'em.

Anyway, the matches:

1. Walked in on the last eight-ish minutes of a tag match involving Ricky Reyes, B-Boy, El Gallinero, and someone else. From the looks of it, it was pretty goddamned choice; Reyes and B-Boy seem to be pretty decent workers with a decent idea of pacing,though I didn't know it, I've been a fan since I saw the Cubanitos vs. the Ballards on the UPW tape). I wasn't too into the match for the early portion that I saw, but the moment that B-Boy threw something crazy like a suplex with an arbar floatover (if, in fact, that actually happened - there were some pretty friggin' choice technical spots in the match, and this one seems closest to my memory), I was MARKING THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUT. DJC marks out for technical wrestling. And yet... despite the great spots, it was just missing a real flow (keep in mind that I only caught the last eight minutes). Most of the match was spent with the ref keeping either Gallinero or the other team out of the ring, which was pretty shitty booking. Nevertheless, if you put on a technical spotfest, I for one will be entertained, and will hoot and holler even if nobody else does. Highlight of the match was the Semi-Inverted 187 that KonnaIf I had to rate the action I saw, I'd call it about *3/4

2. Excalibur vs. Shogun. Shogun's debuting here, and he's already got a better build than pretty much everyone in RevPro - his physique is neither big guy or 16-year-old. Excalibur's growing on me, probably mostly due to the sad realization that he's as close to CIMA as I'm ever going to see live. But he's also a classic jackass, and if there's one thing the world needs more of, it's big glaring jackasses. I was pretty interested in this match until about 30 seconds in, when Shogun did a *ROLLING ARMBAR*. To say that I was marking out would be a mild understatement at best. It made me want to go back and watch a match with a rolling cradle, because the rolling armbar was soooooooo ghetto fabulous. Anyway, this match pretty much rocked as much as a debut match can rock. Shogun works pretty stiff, knocking the everliving SHIT out of Excalibur, and blocking his shotay/madsplash combo. Excalibur, meantime, took some retarded bumps, especially off of Shogun's suplexes/DDTs. More remarkable, though, was the diving headbutt that Excalibur launched from the opposing turnbuckle. I'm not being clear; let me rephrase: HE JUMPED THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED LENGTH OF THE FUCKING RING. Motherless FUCK. I don't care how small the ring is; that was IM-PRESSIVE to see. BRUTAL DVD variant that had me filling my shorts would have finished it, but Excalibur stalked off. Did we see a SHOOT~? Were we WORKED~.? Not that it matters. Match was actually pretty decent; I'd call it ***-ish, and that's not fucking around. Goddamned stiff, with some good spots. And I'll give bonus stars for the rookie's impressive grasp of match flow. I'd bet he's got a bigger upside than Excalibur himself, and that's probably saying something.

3. Ultrataro vs. Buddy George. TARO = THE LORD. First of all, he's like a straight-up schoolboy approximation of Owen Hart that, really, all heels should aim for. Criminey, you should hear his interviews. You half expect him to start screaming "I'M A CHAMPION, DAMMIT!". At any rate: secondly, Ultrataro has officially carried Buddy George on his (Taro's, that is) emaciated back. I mean, outside of the fact that he worked George's knee like a seasoned pro, he actually had the match tell a story of divergent offense: Taro would key on speed, while George's offense would emphasize his bulk (a facet GREATLY enhanced by . Boring-ass story? Sort of. But when you're expecting the Standard Buddy George Match, it's manna from heaven. They also had this really cool subplot the whole way, centering on the use of the turnbuckles (i.e. Taro tried to contain the use of the turnbuckles for jumping purposes, and fought NOTHING more pointedly than George's ascent to the top). Buddy breaking the ring may have been the best thing he's ever done for his career; odds are that simple splash, which looks like crap when he does it (he pretty much lands on his feet - c'mon, if Eddy Guerrero can take a missed frogsplash, you can do it), is being put over so heavy that he'll be pushed to the title soon, which pretty much means nothing because I don't think that the publicity machine's really pumping out TOO much for ol' BG, but hey. (this finishes the end of that sentence) To George's credit, he takes a few bumps when necessary, and does the staggering/selling thing on occasion. He also hits a nicer linked powerbomb than Takaiwa could ever dream of doing, and what's more, linked the second one into a BAD MOTHER FUCKER of a Buddy Bomb (full-nelson atomic drop - think Buh Buh). It was impressive as all fuck, and made me yell and holler. Match, like I said, was easily watchable (with the exception of that one spot, all thanks to Taro); I'd call it about **1/2.

4. Disappointment reigned supreme in this match, as Samoa Joe no-showed (all the wrestlers and the promoter kept coming over to Shane Ballard, who was sitting right in front of me, and saying "Where the fuck is Joe?", or something to that effect), meaning that Matt Sinister would NOT be recieving the rather astoundingly stiff beating that he SOOOOOOOO richly deserved for stinking up arenas around the area. He was replaced by Disco Machine, an amalgam of Magnum Tokyo and Disco Inferno, getting a great synthesis in terms of gimmick, but a pretty mediocre one in terms of ability. He's not totally skill-less (far from it), but he's not on the level of the RevPro Elite (Taro, Dragon, and potentially Rising Son). This would have been fine, if DM had just bumped his ass off for Sinister, done the job, called it an evening. But NOOOOOOOOOOO, RevPro added Some Other Guy, who I believe was American Wildchild or something. Not that I cared; I was too busy waiting for the match to hurry up and get over. DM put forth a valient effort to salvage something from the match, taking a very thorough and precise ass-pounding in terms of stiff work (his chest was pinker than a bottle of Pepto Bismol from the chops), but he didn't really get much offense in. And naturally he was eliminated first. The remainder of this match... well, there was a fight alright - between Boredom and Frustration - going on in my head. Oh well. Mostly I just looked at the attractive girls the entire time. I'm pretty sure that there were more behind me, but the ring wasn't facing that way. I *really* wish I'd looked during this match. Anyway, Sinister retains in a 1/2* affair, blah blah blah, GET ON WITH IT!

- I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the 9-year-old boy with a mowhawk who bolted out of his seat like a cockroach from the light every time the wreslers even got NEAR to the ropes, much less thrown out of them. This was in sharp contrast to Shane Ballard, a True Rock, who may not have gotten out of his seat during the entire show.

5. Super Dragon vs. Rising Son. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAH! Like I said before, we've got an early (early early EARLY) frontrunner for Match of the Year, but it's a motherhumper of a doozy. Like I said - there wasn't too much missing. Son supplied the awe-inspiring highspots, the sense of danger, the stiffness, the goofy new ways to kick someone in the face, and the surprising majority of the heat. Dragon, on the other hand, supplied the NUTS bumps, the coolest highspot of the night, the GREAT matwork, the selling supreme, the match flow, and overall match story, which is why HE'S an allstar who's quite possibly one of the five best unsigned talent going around (Daniels, Quackenbush, Modest, maybe Massaro, maybe Ultrataro (although Dragon's better than Taro)...), while Rising Son must be content to be a hysterically over fan favorite along the lines of Jeff Hardy. Son's rather impressively carryable; of course, I've seen him live against the Ballards, who could possibly carry my untrained ass to a ** match due to their ridiculously awesome selling, and Super Dragon, who is Number One and the Best. Not that it matters to Son, who hit one of the more kick-ass things I've ever seen with his springboard 'rana to the floor; he must have been balancing on the top rope for literally five seconds. I'm not sure if that makes him sloppy, but it sure as hell did look cool to me. It was like that Simpsons episode: "Halfback! Passes to center! Center holds it! Holds it!! HOLDS IT!!!!!!!!" Anyway, the match's story mostly involved the fact that Son had pretty much risen to take Dragon's place as the head face of the company, so he was at the top of his game, while Dragon, fresh off of an ACL tear (naturally yielding a lot of transitions into ankle locks and leg bars, which, given my sudden fandom of technical knowhow, was AWESOME), was a little behind, but still more skilled overall. Need further illustration? Try this out; it encapsulates the kind of things these guys were willing to do. For those of you who don't know, the Dojo is a warehouse, with the ring taking up about %90 of the central floor space, and it's bordered on one side by a wall (with dents from Taro's head. Really.) About midway through the match, Son was on the floor, and Dragon took the opportunity to hook him up in a swinging-type Goofy Lucha Sumbission Maneuver and swing his head into the wall. Funny and cool at the same time. This, of course, was all just a prelude to Dragon later charging at Son, who was slumped in a corner, only to have Son jump out of the way at the last possible second, and DRAGON SPEARS THE FUCKING WALL WITH THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. It's one of the most brutal things I've ever seen in wrestling. It's like running full tilt into a wall, essentially. Me and the guy I was sitting next to (who may or may not have been DevilSaint) were YELLING LIKE SCHOOLCHILDREN. The phrase "Marking Out" does not begin to describe the reaction that I had to that sight. And it STILL wasn't the coolest thing in the match~! Because later on, Son was selling his side, and Shane Ballard started wryly calling for the heart punch (leading others to join in his entreaties). So what happened? As soon as they locked up, Dragon looks at Ballard and gives Son a FUCKING HEART PUNCH! I almost leapt out of my chair with exuberance. And then, as if the match wasn't a "Million Billion Stars" or something already, Dragon decides to finish it with a FUCKING FIREBIRD SPLASH, which was the first time I've ever seen that done either on American shores, or by an American. Stiffness? You better fucking believe it. Son dropped Dragon DIRECTLY on his head a scandalous amount of times, including one time when he dropped him precisely on the *top* of his head in a moment that made me stop and wonder where my life insurance was. Dragon, of course, returned the favor, with his NASTY screwdriver-y finisher. I mean, what can you say about matches like this? It was just too great for me to express. I'll call it ****1/2 and the best match in RevPro history (better than Dragon vs. Taro due to the fact that a history was now established [i.e. the wall, Son's newfound prominence, etc]). Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first match of the year contender. Although next week, it's Son/Dragon vs. Taro/Disco Machine, which might maybe come a little close.

Overall, you want this bad. I can't say for sure when it'll be coming out, but when it does, GET IT. For god's sakes, if nothing else, you get to see me lunge and mark like a baby, as well as (very possibly) the only MotYC to ever pointedly feature a heart punch.

Pant, pant, pant. That's all. Hey, next time drop me a line if you're going to be at a RevPro show; I know that youse guys is out there.

Digably Yours,
Digable James Cobo
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