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AAA on Galavision, 2/19/02
by Chris Lening

We once again start in some nondescript park, where three guys in white face paint say mean things about Los Payasos. And apparently AAA comes from the fair town of Toluca this week.

All the AAA exterior shots make Mexico look really pretty. One of these days I'll make it down to Arena Mexico and see for myself, although CMLL tends not to have exterior shots, so that's possibly a bad sign.

Back from commercial, we get what I'm assuming is the AAA analogue of the CMLL Fire Border effect: a glowing pulse of neon colors all along the edge of the screen. This is used to introduce us to two young men named Uba "El Costeno" and Super Loco "El Costeno", who seem to be from Acapulco and enjoy rubbing their bare chests, dancing, and running through sprinklers. AAA: Unsettling.

Operativo/Policeman (Captain)/Uba/Super Loco vs. Black Silver/Pegasso/Los Chivas 1 (Captain) and 2

Operativo looks like a cross between the Big Boss Man and a Special Forces officer. Policeman looks like the Big Boss Man and Erik Estrada from CHiPs had a child. Black Silver looks like the most nondescript masked luchador ever. Pegaso reminds me for some reason of the SoCal-beloved Super Dragon, if he wore Purple. Los Chivas have goat-like masks and are wearing Futbol uniforms, including very tiny shorts. They enter to that Guadalajara song that seldom means any good over in CMLL. El Hijo del Tirantes is one of your referees, and this match just seems like horror waiting to happen.

Primera Caida: After a couple minutes of stalling, Black Silver and Uba do some various armdrag exchanges and such, pretty crisply by AAA standards. Super Loco and one of the Chivas do an interminable spot where the Chiva is back body dropped in the corner, but saves himself by doing a handstand on the turnbuckle. Super Loco dances like a big spaz for a while, and eventually takes a flying head scissors. All the while, the announcers are singing about something. The Chivas try some double-team stuff on Loco and Operativo, but one of the Goatboys goes all Sabu on a springboard armdrag. Everything which follows suggests the Chivas only showed up to Wrestling School on the days when they taught contrived armdrags and bizarre double team moves. They also seem to have mastered the art of charging an opponent and ramming their head into his ass. Uba sells this as though he's been shot in the ass. Pegasso does two moves, but both look nice. The goats and their tecnico friends pin everyone. (5:18)

Segunda Caida: Pegasso starts off by doing like ten moves involving flips and twists all in a row, for no real reason. Maybe it IS Super Dragonů(I kid, James. Don't fire me, please.) Uba is just the spazziest guy I've ever seen wrestle. He twitches and oversells for everything. He and Loco get outsmarted by those crafty soccer Goats, and end up getting blasted with stereo topes. You'd think the Chivas would do the topes similarly, but nope. Black Silver gets Operativo in a submission, but Policeman sees the refs aren't looking and fakes a foule. So much hate in the World. (2:08)

Tercera Caida: Oh Boy! A Rudo Beatdown! At least Uba has the decency to bash Chiva with a coconut, after which Policeman violates the fallen Goat with his nightstick. Uba later does some sort of "I'm a Little Teapot" Dance with the coconut atop his head and I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. When he hits a Chiva in the butt with it, I choose the latter. Eventually the tecnicos just decide to stop being hit, and so they mount a comeback. Black Silver hits a tope that suggests he's inexperienced, but fairly athletic, so he's got some promise. Super Loco dances around and hits a tope of his own on the pile, and we've got ourselves a full on Nitro-Style Cruiserweight Dive-o-Rama. Pegasso prevents Policeman from joining the party, and they exchange some pointless stuff before Pegasso fakes a foule. Turnabout may well be fair play, but it ain't good wrestling. (5:02)

Hmm. Some of the wrestlers seemed like they might be worth something with a little more experience, but some of them (one of the Chivas, especially) didn't belong anywhere near a ring. The booking of the match sure didn't make anybody look good. Definitely Goofy as a Pet Coon (5).

Noti AAA, set to the CMLL Theme Song, which I assume is just a Televisa Stock Theme. Nothing else compares to the clip of a guy named Ice Cream (Cone sticking from head in the style of Jack in the Box) butt-bumping some guy who looks like a Gay Scorpio Jr. (with less bacne). There is a clip of the six-sided ring, though.

Picudo (Captain)/Silver Cat/Espritu/Nygma (Los Vatos Locos) vs. Coco Rojo/Coco Azul/Coco Negro/Coco Loco (Los Payasos):

Vatos Locos enter to KISS and breathe fire and such. Payasos enter to Circus music. Yes, one of them is a midget. They enter with the only females I've seen so far. One of the Payasos, who may or may not be Coco Loco (I figure it's either him or the midget) is wearing a Giant Bison head at the beginning. For those wondering, yes, Vatos Locos look like the Demon and his friends, and yes, the Payasos look like all the various Doinks came together and brought Dink along. Oh good, Tirantes is the referee.

Primera Caida: KISS plods along in a squash of the clowns. Of note is a botched spike powerbomb and the finish, which was marginally cool. Negro and Azul were sitting back to back and the Vatos pulled on their arms from the opposite direction, while Coco Loco was setup for a Razor's Edge and lowered atop the other two. Other than that, this featured Nygma choking Loco with a mic cord. (4:00)

Segunda Caida: And it gets worse. More of the squash, including an exhibition of the Group Slapfighting skills of the Vatos Locos. Tirantes trips Coco Rojo and restrains Coco Negro when they seem poised to mount a comeback. This strategy backfires when he ends up getting a dropkick intended for Negro. Payasos by DQ. (2:06)

This was so messed-up I wasn't even able to sneak in a decent "Psycho Circus" joke. It was right there the whole time, but the only words to describe this come from the man himself: "Multi-Orgasmic, if you will, in a Cosmic Sort of Way." (10)

AAA, apparently unable to top this, shows the Heavy Metal, Randy, and Zorro vs. Abismo, Psicosis, and Chessman match from February 5. It ain't good enough to review twice.

Other episodes in this project: 2/5/02, 2/12/02, 3/5/02

Chris Lening
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