AAA on
Galavision, 2/12/02
by Chris Lening
There's a very distinct pain you feel when you fast forward through CMLL. It's kinda like ripping up a valid check.
It's Canek, accomplished shootfighter! He greets us from the outside, and then we get some opening credits, and Jesus Zuniga looks to be standing in a large high school gymnasium. He says this is LLL, not AAA. It's kinda like Oz Academy or how WCW was supposed to end up on WWF TV, I think. Andres Maronas says it's AAA, though. I guess there's a split down the two sides of the gym. This gets a 3 without a match starting, as this does indeed seem like a well-planned plan.
And now for a chat outdoors with Mini-Psicosis and Octagoncito, all to the pulse of generic house music. (I wonder why Peña chose House Music?) Shh…
LLL Presents: Mini-Psicosis/Mini-Abismo Negro (Captain)/Rocky Marvin vs. AAA Presents: La Parkita/ Octagoncito (Captain)/Mascarita Sagrada
Yeah, so Rocky Marvin is Ricky's actual brother. Mascarita enters to Enigma, I think. And I remember reading how he used to be like, legitimately one of the best in the world regardless of height, so he's got bonuses going already. OK, they announce the captains as though it is a AAA vs. LLL thing, so commence the painful Invasion memories.
Primera Caida: We have a Tiny Pier 6 to start. There's a couple of Edit Points here, which kinda sucks because Octagoncito and Sagrada seem to be real good. Octagoncito and Mini-Abismo start with some general mat miscellany, and they do it with the speed and smoothness I wasn't getting from the large-sized guys last time. Sagrada breaks out all manner of wacky elaborate armdrags and headscissors, but he's paired up with Mini-Psicosis, who doesn't really seem to know what to do, highlighted in a top rope dive to the outside, for which Psicosis kinda stands there, stumbles, gets overshot by Sagrada, and then they fake an armdrag at the end. Yikes. At least he stays down, which allows Parkita to take Marvin with something that gets AAA'd (for those not aware, AAAing something involves cutting to a replay or something while action is occurring. People used to hate this when AAA was good.) and Octagoncito to get a submission on Abismo. (3:14).
Segunda Caida: Doctors check on Sagrada, who's got him some rotator cuff injury or something. He doesn't do a whole lot in this fall, although most of it is controlled offensively by the LLL team. They manage to avoid the pitfall of rudo control we saw last week, as the control is via moves and stuff, rather than ladders and stalling and such. I'm gonna wager Mini-Abismo Negro is gonna continue to be better than Normal Size Abismo Negro. Mini-Psic is about as iffy as AAA Psic, though, which is like miles behind motivated Nicho. Rocky Marvin has yet to do a tornillo, so he's not showing me much. Parkita brings a couple of fun things to this fall and all of a sudden I no longer hate ALL of AAA. (4:50 shown, numerous possible edit points, though).
Tercera Caida: Parkita takes a breather in the seats. Some kid comes up to the announce table and they dub him Andrescito, due to his vague resemblance to Maronas. Meanwhile, people are wrestling and we don't see it. Oh, there you go. The fun continues, with a good series of back-and-forth exchanges of nearfalls and such. Parkita occasionally is a little flat, but he's got a ton of good stuff in there too, between the comedy spots and the moonsaults to the floor and such. I even get my tornillo, but oddly Octagoncito is the perpetrator. Sagrada doesn't get much of a chance to show off, as one encounter with mini-Abismo turns into a nutshot dispute, one of a few in this fall. Other than that, they just let them wrestle, and since at least four of them are really good, this turns out dandy. Marvin with a pinfall reversal on Sagrada, everyone else gets counted out. (8:11). This was like all of the matches they'll show on CMLL where Virus and Antifaz show up for the first time in months and just give you 10 or 15 minutes of fun, albeit without the same level of depth as the top card stuff.
Not weird at all. This gets a spot on my Lucha Permanent Tape, actually. It's a Jim Ross quote from back when he was in WCW. Go pick your favorite.
One of the spots Galavision was running at this time invited us to vote for our favorite Luchador of the Year. Your choices: La Parka (the AAA fake Parka, mind you), Latin Lover, and Rayo de Jalisco Jr. Whoever was in charge of the Nominations Process should be taken out into the street and shot. Was no one paying attention when the Infernales were feuding for like half the year year and being really good? What of El Santo? Why did AAA end up with more nominees? I suppose this is far worse than the WWF best matches one that ended up with Stacy/Torrie over Benoit/Austin. I do not understand wrestling at all.
Octagon (Captain)/Mascara Sagrada/Alebrije/Cuije vs. Pentagon (Captain)/Psicosis/Monsther/Chuky
Primera Caida: Chuky and Cuije appear to be midgets. The camera guy stands on the Turnbuckle for this fall, which gives us a fairly interesting view of Octagon getting whipped on a lot by everyone on the other side, including the midget, causing them to get a DQ. Or maybe it was for striking the ref. Either way, two words: BOR. ING. (1:00)
Segunda Caida: It is in this fall that we get our first good look at Cuije, who seems to be the shortest wrestler I have ever seen. He's roughly about as tall as the second rope. He's akin to his counterpart on the opposite end of the Wrestling Height Spectrum, Giant Singh: he blows a bunch of stuff. He generally looks like an 8 year old in a ladybug outfit. He does spend a world of time against Chuky, whose gimmick is essentially being Chucky from the Child's Play series of films and also being bad at wrestling. Everyone in this match has either done nothing or done something that makes me want to kill them, although Octagon was doing OK before he went on a mask-ripping trip. Octagon submits Pentagon like three minutes after everyone else on the rudo side was eliminated, after some immensely pointless interference. (6:17). Tecnicos take it in two.
More stupid than weird, though the midgets certainly make about as much sense as Old Booger Red himself. (4)
Noti AAA presents a Black Family segment in which a new member is brought in, with his face digitally blurred, because he's from Los Estados Unidos and it's a secret. Also: More Evil Tirantes shenanigans, someone falls victim to vandalism, and Professor Enrique Flores. Hurrah!
Oh boy! A promo! The three guys are a Nazi named "Vangellis", a knight of some sort named "Brandon", and some dong in a white sweatsuit named "Kevin." AAA has the lamest naming people in the World. The Nazi is not Shocker, so I don't care.
Oh Fuck, it's the Barrio Boys (Alan/Decnnis/Billy Boy) vs. Los Guerreros de Ripoff (Angel Mortal/Mr. Condor/Gallego) in a Cage Match where the last man in will lose his hair:
Fuck.
Los Diabolicos walk out with Rey Bucanero style face paint, although it can be suggested Rey Bucanero ripped it off from the Ultimate Warrior anyhow.
Diabolicos start off with the advantage, as they seem to have brought in a chair. Despite their being six men inside the cage, the beginning is dreadfully slow, until the Barrio Boys magically recover and hit the Diablicos with chairs. Billy Boy, Gallego, and Mr. Condor escape within four minutes. Angel Mortal is not fazed by being the only man left for his side, taking it to Alan and Decnnis (Yes, that is the way they spell it, and no I don't know why) until Alan escapes, leaving us with two men left FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES IN. Decnnis tries to setup a bulldog into a chair, but again the curse of AAA sloth comes in and they sort of stumble around for a second or two before figuring it out. Decnnis tries to escape, but he's all bleeding and stuff and Los Diabolicos bring him down with a skateboard shot. Gallego and Condor climb back in, it seems, so I dunno if this is under the same rules as that whompass AJW one from November 2000. It is safe to suggest this match couldn't even hold a candle to that one, though. Commence rudo triple teaming of young Decnnis; you know, it's pretty clear to most people that Antonio Peña has some of these people around largely because he's a big gay lech or something, but apparently he also likes his men beaten and bloodied. It's really quite unsettling. Alan climbs back in, and gets beat up some more, leading Billy Boy to thoroughly negate the past six minutes. He does hit a big dive on just about everyone from the top of the cage, which everyone no-sells. And with that Alan and Billy Boy are back out, and Decnnis manages to get enough of a jump to make for the exit at 7:48. The Diabolicos are all that remains, and pull off the traditional "I'm stunned by this turn of events…Hey wait, that guy's trying to leave us behind!" and within a couple minutes, Gallego and Condor (I think) are back out. But wait, the Barrio Boys are back in to hit Mortal some more. Diabolicos fight over which of them will get his hair cut, but Mortal takes the bullet like he should. (Roughly Nine and a Half Minutes). Decnnis (spelled Deccnis here, but Screw it, it's messed up either way) gives an emotional promo while holding Mortal's hair. The announcers mock him for sounding like a 14 year old girl.
This Match Smelled Your Torso. (9) Worst Cage Match I've seen in a while, although I do pride myself on staying away from them unless they have good Wrestlers involved.
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