AAA on
Galavision, 3/2/02
by Chris Lening
I believe that no Lucha was shown on February 26. If there was, I ain't got it.
Intimidating Promos are made less intimidating by someone wearing a yellow polo shirt. Just an observation.
They come to us from Monterrey, Nuevo Leon. You'd think they'd know better than AAA. Hmm. More announcer introductions in front of neat-looking statues and fountains and stuff.
Yet another stable of people I don't know, all wearing Orange and Black clothing. The first to speak is Tigre Universitario, who wears some sort of Mangled version of the Tiger Mask. Next is Hator, which is a fabulous name. He looks kinda like Lucha Kevin Smith with the backwards hat, though. El Monje strikes me as kind of effeminate, and Potro references the Payasos and the Guapos. Weird.
Wait. These four guys are the Something or Other Guapos. Thus giving us Two Ripoff Stables. They come out to Godawful music but get cheered because their valet has giant breasts. Their opponents get separate entrances: Randy comes out to Spanglish House Music, Hey! It's Mr Aguila! And he comes out to Nirvana's "In Bloom" and looks like Jeff Hardy with a tan and red hair. Zorro comes out to the music one would expect Zorro to have. Heavy Metal enters to generic rock music.
Hator (Captain)/Tigre Universitario/El Monje/Potro vs. Randy/Mr. Aguila/Zorro/Heavy Metal (Captain):
Primera Caida: The Fake Guapos would seem to be the rudos here. As such, there is beatdown. (1:51)
Segunda Caida: Apparently the momentum transition began before this fall, around when they showed us four angles of Tigre Universitario's pinning splash. Either way, Heavy Metal starts yelling something about his mother to the camera while Zorro does all the work of rudo-assaulting. He brings all this wacky offense, which is good, because Aguila's the only other person in this fall to hit anything of merit, breaking out one of his Giant Moonsaults. (1:30) They seem to compare Randy to Eddy Guerrero, which makes me very sad.
Tercera Caida: Some drunk guys cheer for Potro, but he seems unwilling to face Heavy Metal. So instead the fall begins with Monje vs. Aguila, and me wondering why CMLL has edited matches. Aguila hits a shitty monkey flip, which I was not sure was possible. An exhibition of flips and lariats by the former Essa is met with a fake foule, which the good ref doesn't buy. A later fake foule does work, and Some lady in the crowd is Seriously Irate with Tirantes. (3:33)
Yeah, this was everything ever, except more boring (3). Aguila showed why he never amounted to much in the WWF. There is a postmatch angle with some comically shitty punches, though.
We get a replay of the one good midget match, beginning from Sagrada's injury on the armdrag. And then we get a replay of the match they showed after that back on the 12th. I don't Think my tape is screwed up, but it might be. Either way, this is very much an open invitation for me to Fast Forward. It makes reviewing easy and fun!
It's Noti AAA! Los Vipers are seen beating the crap out of the Payasos, so good for them. Hijo del Perro Aguayo looks like the cross between his dad and Jimmy Smits, so it's one of those half empty/half full things. Mr. Aguila cuts a promo wearing the Kaientai T-shirt. So forth and so on.
Back at the gym where we saw Randy assaulted, Pentagon delivers what must be his nine millionth anti-Octagon promo. In the background is house music. Yes it is. Pentagon displays his rage on the trainees.
Octagon/Latin Lover (Captain)/La Parka/Mascara Sagrada vs. Cibernetico (Captain)/Pentagon/Electroshock/Mascara Maligna:
Tirantes is the referee. Oh boy. There seem to be a bunch of kids in the audience, so I fear AAA may have to dumb down the work so as not to go over everyone's head. Or they might just take the Vegas odds and make this every match ever again.
Primera Caida: Pentagon demonstrates his ability to stall. Fake Parka plays grabass. Sagrada and Maligna do the best matwork I've seen so far from the normal-sized AAA wrestlers. This seems to motivate Parka, who does his best to make Electroshock compelling. Same with Latin Lover and Cibernetico, who were also helped by a screaming contingent supporting Latin Lover. The tecnicos were actually trying and making the rudos look good, especially after the slow start. (8:48)
Segunda Caida: Sagrada and Maligna continue to set the tone; it seems natural they should work well together, given that Maligna is essentially the alternate-color rudo version of Sagrada, but they seem to be the only pair able to control the pace. Parka hits a metric ton of comedy spots, and the kids seem to like it. Referee assistance gives momentum to the rudos, and the beatdown ensues. Yes it does. OK, I'm thinking Pentagon can control the pace too, just not in a good way. Latin Lover signals the momentum has shifted back with a double clothesline, and while I wouldn't say this match is bad, it isn't creative at all. Oh wait, here's Abismo Negro with the Poor Man's Flamethrower (Aerosol Can and a lighter), and now it's bad. (7:43)
Call the match itself a (2) just for the beginning, but the end and the postmatch shenanigans earn a big solid (7).
Thank God. It's over.
You shouldn't watch this ever, unless there are midgets. Even a good AAA match isn't really that good, especially not with the guys in Mexico City capable of doing what they can. Of course, it looks like AAA is about to be off Galavision forever, so perhaps this warning is for naught. Either way, if you're ever trying to get into Lucha, or get someone else into it, make sure they don't see this. It's too traumatic. And the lucha must always be about the love.
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